CULTURAL ELITE: The eccentric archetype   You have probably seen one of these, one of the master eccentrics. Did you know that most of them share a lot of common characteristics? Let's take it from the beginning, shall we? There are some special behavorial traits that eccentrics often exhibit. It's not the case that *every* eccentric shows all these traits, but it's customary to claim at least 5 of these traits if one aims for eccentric-hood. Normally, in the normal world, if someone changes, for example becomes gay (or a sports fan), this person will show a lot of gayish traits (or behave like the biggest jock in town) in the beginning just to proclaim his/her new identity in a really loud and startling way. It's like, hey it's me I've changed! That is not the way of the eccentric; it might start with something simple like pissing in a teacup when the toilet is too far away, and then keep the cup in the room (unawares at first, but later, perversely; perfectly aware) until someone finds it. To become eccentric isn't some quantum leap, it's *evolution*! The eccentric will gradually develop more and more eccentric traits until the day the eccentric becomes aware of his/her eccentricity. (Known in magic texts from the centuries past as "Ilumination") Then the aim is to become a member of a secret eccentrics' club house somewhere in central London, where arch-eccentric Methuselahs roam and no "norm" has ever trod. What are these characteristics, then? Let's consult the dictionary shall we? An eccentric is someone who has several of these characteristics: Is possessed by knowing what the time is, eg. being aware of time. For this reason he/she (more often a male for strange reasons) has an array of watches proudly decorating both wrists. The eccentric also always sports a pocketwatch. (rova -vad heter det egentligen?) Has a stuffed up owl on the shoulder when he (from this and on let's face it, an eccentric is male) walks around the town. Always lives in a small town, or outside the a big town in a creepy mansion. Can walk perfectly but prefers to maneuver around the town in his wooden weelchair. Once a year he starts eating raw eggs for breakfast for a week and then he get's out of the wheelchair and participates in a marathon, usually ending up among the fastest one hundred. Hates to buy anything, the ultimate DIY gury. Makes everything from scratch. Still believes the old Swedish April Fool's joke about stockings over the televison. This was in the ancient times when colour television was new, morning television said that if you put a woman's stocking over the ray-tube of a black and white one you could see the colours. The eccentric says: You have to look very closely. Has a Babbit engine up and running and writes his memoirs on it. The problem is (no problem for him though...) that it takes a very long time to process each character. The eccentric says: You have to put great effort into every little detail. Every word has to be carefully selected. Once he wrote the wrong character, and since his primitive wordprocessor has no "undo" or "backstep" he had to rewrite the whole page, that took another 17 years. Is one of the most productive writers of all times but he writes everything in his own invisible ink and he hasn't figured out the developing formula yet... When he gets up in the morning he bakes a hat of bread, which he gives his son to eat in the afternoon. Has a son who sleeps in a paper box filled with papershreds from Papa's paper document destroyer. (The eccentric is terrified of the idea that someone might figure out the formula for developing his invisible ink.) Is a member of a secret London-based gentlemans club for eccentrics. To become a member one has fist to be recommended by an active member of the club, then to produce documents that prove ones eccentricness and finaly to be approved of by a panel of arch-eccentrics. Does these characteristics match yours? If not: remember to support your local eccentric. Mikael Huss & Joel Westerberg